Myers-Briggs balance

Realizing I never balanced the conversation, my Myers-Briggs is typically iNTp (Quistic, 16 Personalities) but I regularly swing into iNFp - (Quistic, 16 Personalities). Which is basically the people focus coming out over purpose. And that's Jesus.

Naturally I don't give a rip about people. But my deepest longing is to have a heart that's one with God's (Ps 86:11 "Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name."), and God loves people. His heart breaks for us. And when Christ walked the earth, no part of his life was self-aggrandizing. There was nothing he did to make people follow him - he offered to bridge the gap between them and God the Father, took on the role of a servant, and let people walk away.

That last one is the one that gets me. He told people how to follow him ("Give everything you have to the poor and come follow me... and the young man walked away sad because he had much wealth"), but he didn't chase them down. He didn't automatically heal everyone - he always asked people if they wanted to be healed. The ones that were healed ended up in the Bible but I have to wonder how many said "No, thank you." Accepting healing is hard and painful. You are no longer ostracized but you also lose your way of life - no one will toss money to a healthy beggar, but you wouldn't have a trade or skill to fall back on, typically. No home or property. You may lose your community. Being healed isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

How this plays into influence: naturally I am very cognizant of a wide range of possible outcomes and consequences for any given choice or action. That's the iNtuitive/Thinking part of my brain works - 500 possible outcomes, naturally sorted into statistical probabilities and "what ifs", weighted by cost-gain ratios. Outcome A is most likely and won't hurt anything BUT if outcome Y at .05% happens it's the best possible scenario and worth the 1% risk of detriment from outcomes B,C, and G, which I could also probably mitigate by...

I have a constantly shifting natural flow chart in my brain. And when I talk to people, I am deeply aware of the possible cost and weight of whatever I say. Whatever I suggest. That's why, a few weeks ago, I didn't rip into the guys when I was teaching, even though Bailey was the only girl there. Could I have simply listed a handful of ways men (even Christian men) fail and need to change and actually effected some change? Sure. Would it have stuck with you guys for the rest of your lives? Probably. But if I have the power to speak condemnation into a heart, how much more the power to speak healing and reconciliation!

Jesus didn't fix things, he restarted them. And he did so in full awareness of the implications of what he was asking. The cost. Change always comes with a cost.

This may seem like overstatement for how to be heard when you're simply trying to improve or fix something and no one wants to listen, but I've found that influence is more about expressing a cost weight than offering an answer or being right. It's about coaxing people into their best possible selves... while allowing them the option to say no.

And it takes PRACTICE! For me that practice largely involves keeping my mouth shut. I know the best solutions for absolutely everything because I am always right... but sometimes other people have slightly less right but adequate ideas too that deserve to be seen. And once they fail I can humbly step in to fix them as long as I don't say "I told you so"...LOL, but I digress.

If you want to be heard, watch the people other people listen to. Look for the people turning out people you want to be like and ask them to mentor you. That's why I suggested Daryl. My mentor at Hume was not necessarily a woman I want to be like... but I found that the women I admired most deeply all had the common thread of being mentored by Glenda, so I asked her to mentor me. And I love her deeply, appreciate her strengths and flaws, and would not be the person I am today without her.

And this will probably be the hardest part for your personality - weigh the necessity of being heard. If you ARE a high C, you would have a low tolerance for imperfection or trial and error. And knowing you personally, you think quickly so even though you may not typically be an external processor with any but a few close friends, you HAVE weighed out the 500 possible outcomes before you say anything and you HAVE settled on what likely IS the best solution. But learning to allow that "best" does not equal "right" is a tricky thing. Best is "a" solution. "An" option - one of several or possibly many. But until you believe that in your heart (which is screaming "It's RIGHT I tell you! Anything less or different is WRONG!"), it's going to come out your mouth. And even if you say, "What if we..." verbally, your expression is going to carry the unspoken, "Because it's right and you have to or it's going to be wrong." People don't go for that so much.

I need to get to an interview. Sleep well my friend. Hope you feel better, and that this gives you more to think about in your search for truth and growth.