Concert Thoughts
Figured this would be a good place to discuss the concert, since this I realize this is why I couldn't come up with a good reply at church when you asked how we liked it. In short, it was beautiful. Honestly.
But since we both know that this blog NEVER leaves it that simple, I start with the background that I am extremely exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, so any filter I may on occasion be able to grapple into place is basically non-existent. "[ADHD] is like training a dragon on a leash. It may drag you around for years, but once you get it under control, you own all the magic and energy, and it's yours forever." That sounds great, except for the part that I have yet to meet a tame dragon. Some nights, like tonight, feel a lot more like “Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
Just realized that I have no idea if my ADHD has ever come up before? PS: I have ADHD. Strangely enough, you don't seem particularly shocked. No one ever is, lol. Moving on ➡
Background - as you heard a little bit tonight, I have a history with musical performance and live music experience and I crave it like an addict craves their weakness. I didn't think it was still that bad, but since I started physically trembling when I was typing a different paragraph (since deleted) about how much I hunger for it, it would appear that drugs are an adequate and accurate comparison. I guess it never really leaves the system. The vibration of live music is a tangible high for me, and one of the few things that truly soothes the dragon. This is probably part of why I'm such a stickler for records, though I hadn't really thought of that until a moment ago.
I don't love the sound of music - though it fascinates me - but I passionately adore the resonance and rhythms. Or I'm hooked on them like crack. Really, that just becomes a more and more accurate description by the second. This is probably also why I like your voice and similar lower registers, but tenors and higher register females annoy me. Ironically, I do love a good castrato, but that tends to be a chest voice rather than a falsetto, keeping with the resonance theme.
I've been anticipating this concert since last year. No joke. And as much as I appreciate choirs, instruments are my kryptonite... symphonies, symphonic bands, and orchestras in particular. It's all the drugs at once - all the vibrations from dozens of different instruments at the same time, like a sound massage for my whole body - for my very soul. Almost like binaural beats (and here) for the simple reason that I can't consciously absorb them all at the same time but they all fit together so my mind accepts them.
Toss in seven years living at a mega-camp where we effectively had five professional or semi-professional sound stages going multiple times a day seven days a week during summer and three to four days a week in the off-season (and full theatrical performances weekly)... Moving back to the real world (especially the real word in Lodi-Stockton) has been an adjustment.
Coming in to the concert, I anticipated a few things for myself:
1) Being in the audience isn't the same as being in the symphony itself
(unless you sit in the terrace at Chicago's Orchestra Hall to hear Wynton Marsallis. That's pretty darn close and my favorite affordable seats, bar none. You have to try them if you're ever in Chicago!)
2) The last church-performed Christmas choir concert I went to that I remember was in Baton Rouge. The absolute oldest I could have been was 12. This is a link to their International Ministry performance from 2012... note the recording quality vs the vocal talent. Because they're on the campus of Louisiana State University, the gift and skill levels are insane.
3) I don't know that I've ever been to a church Christmas concert that's just that - a Christmas concert. Low-key drama and little to no audience participation. Literally a concert. And frankly, I'm not sure how I feel about it. #squirrel
Which brings us back to the beginning though - it was lovely. I suspect I felt about your concert the same way you would feel about attending any of mine, had you the opportunity - it's not the same being in the audience. Not once you've been in the thick of the sound. It does not, cannot compare to that. Nothing can - it's not a fair comparison. But when I'm able to move out of that space and simply enjoy it, it's truly beautiful.
It's bittersweet. I traveled with a symphonic band of 62 members plus crew. I spent every hour of every practice and every performance my senior year knowing it was going to end and holding fast to every memory I could. Listening to guys like Jonathan Kotulski create music, knowing full well that he is unique even among musical talent. Watching you guys perform and knowing how much more there is to a performance than the show but having almost no outlet for that... it aches.
It's confusing. As I've been typing I realize that I am used to a very different style of performance - very academic and/or designed to stretch and show off the performers's skills, highly theatrical, or very audience involved (granted, some of that audience involvement involved my friends and I joining bands on stage to dance which I suspect would have been frowned upon in this establishment). I think I wasn't really sure what to make of this. It was a performance rather than an invitation - a story in music form.
Which is why I keep coming back to the word lovely. Because it was. It wasn't particularly complex (though your dad NAILED it - remind me to psychoanalyze you later... so many things you've said became abundantly clear tonight). The arrangements definitely played to the choir strengths, and several of the soloists had voices that were an absolute delight to hear. The song choice was strong - very intentional and I loved that the lyrics were projected. But - and I'm not sure how much of this was on the concert versus how much was my ADHD being off the charts and Brendan being distracted himself when he's usually my back-up filter - I really still have no idea of my roll in the concert. All the words were up there but I didn't feel like I was welcome to sing except for two songs. It was a torturous game of Disney-Don't-Sing-a-Long, but church Christmas edition. And I have a personal pet peeve against moving graphics for the simple reason that SQUIRREL!!!!! But was torn because Andrew completely aced them and they were as un-distracting as they could be and absolutely stunning and totally added to the concert except SQUIRREL!!!!
You, my friend, were a delight. I love that I can pick your voice out of the crowd, and I love that your love of this worship shows in your entire expression, not just your face. I freely admit that I may well be biased toward you in particular or toward lower registers in general, but I really struggled with some of the other soloists knowing that you were potentially an available option and that you could likely name at least one other strong option for various solos.
Normally I wouldn't be having this conversation with a singer directly because it sounds like fluff and never ends well, but you record/produce and we have this blog, so you know exactly what I am and am not saying, and I know you hear it too. This is a technical observation of fact. I don't know how much of it is a matter of working with what you've got versus how much is intentional arrangement, but I probably wouldn't have cast such a light tenor for I Wonder as I Wander, for instance. The soloist has good breath control and good expression - I can understand why he's a soloist - but I feel like there could have been a better song-soloist combination. Or maybe he's singing from his head? I couldn't tell.
::Insert shameless plug to jump ship and come to Bear Creek - auditions are Dec 21. Let me know if you want Pastor Daryl's contact info for the songs.::
I loved the song choices... or would have if I'd been allowed to sing. Basically all my favorites. :) Except the Bird Carol. It was a gorgeous arrangement of a song that should have never been published. I swear whoever wrote the melody was drunk. #nofilter And another example of how blending live piano into an orchestra is a pain in the rear. It doesn't lend itself to subtle. But there were a few extra verses to We Three Kings I hadn't heard before but really loved, so I count it a win for content.
Costuming was fun - I was a fan of the plaid... though I was trying not to laugh at the family directly in front of me all in plaid unironically. And I cannot say enough about the lighting/visual work. Beautifully done.
It's late and my caffeine is wearing off so goodnight for now. I'm open to continuing this at Unite, or on the blog. Will make the actual playlist when I'm awake. Sleep well.
I'll just say to start with that I suspected you had ADHD, although I doubt it's come up in normal conversations? It's pretty obvious though, lol!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that you enjoyed live music so, or else I'd be inviting you and Brendan to more shows! I honestly love the whole performance gambit. From picking music, practicing and having NOTHING work or sound good, to dress and then the final performance. Like you say, there isn't anything like that feeling. I used to get butterflies every time a show would start, my body would shake like a fish on a hook. Walking out to a hushed audience that is brimming with anticipation and you start in to the first song. GAH, I love it. Now it's more of a calmed nervousness. I'm slightly butterflied in my stomach, but pretty calm elsewhere. Even at Unite I get like that, but that's a slightly different feeling. My point being, I love the process. I feel that a good performance is God glorifying and that performing with excellence is God glorifying. I've run across a lot of people that just say "eh, what happens, happens. It's for God, not for man." And yeah, it's true. Whatever comes out, comes out. It is for God. I still argue that pushing for excellence and YOUR personal best is the best course of action. It's hard for me to think that a God who demands excellence in so many areas of our lives would be like "Eh, it's art, who gives a crap?". I digress.
Since last year? Didn't you go to our concert last year?? I know I invited you, but don't remember if you came.
Instruments you say? Maybe season tickets to the Stockton Symphony would be a better Christmas gift for you... : )
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it to say the least. I know for a fact that's how I'd feel, after 6 years of performing with this choir I took a season off and enjoyed it from the audience. It was ok for the majority of the season, until performance night. I was in AGONY. It wasn't that the music was bad, just the opposite, the music was amazing but I couldn't be a part of it and that bummed the crap out of me.
And consider yourself reminded to psychoanalyze me! I'm glad some of what I've said actual makes sense in the real world. (I passed your praise onto my dad the night of, he said thanks.)
All the music and soloists are picked by our choir director Susan, and Dane. Susan has been doing this for many, many years and is an absolute joy to work under. You'll never find another choir director as wonderful as her. Dane is pretty brilliant in picking music and shaping a production, so the two of them together make a great pair. I think you're right that it was for audience benefit that the words were projected but not for their participation. I tend to agree that it's a squirrel, typically I'll read the words and forget to listen to the music. Whoops!
I had to split this up. Wrote too many characters : ))))
DeleteAh, thank you! Although a friendly tip, it's never a compliment to be heard in a choir, my goal is to blend always! Haha. Thank you though, I know what you mean about hearing my voice and I appreciate it the compliments. It's to God's glory.
Funny about the solos. Originally, my small group was going to have three separate numbers, then it went to one, and on the dress rehearsal, two. There was only one solo open for tryouts for the guys and it went to my dad. I backed out of auditioning because I didn't want to be featured in 4 separate numbers. It's too much. That's just part of the show though, Susan mentioned to me that my time as a soloist is coming one of these days, and I'm still waiting but hopeful! Haha.
Funny enough, I believe this year was entirely reruns with the exception of Ding Ding and Hark the Herald, those were new numbers. I still loved the music besides the fact I've done them all before. God Has Come was my favorite, it's such a lovely song.
I missed my concert black. : ( I never dress up, so it's fun to do so once and a while.
So does this mean you're hooked? You'll come back for Easter?? Jajaja!
I do love live music, and would love to know about more shows. But the catch is that our budget, especially this year, is not concert friendly. And Brendan's not so much a music buff like that - at least not enough to justify the ticket? I'm not sure if that's because it's really not his thing (in which case I don't want to force him to go) or because he simply hasn't been exposed to enough good performance art (in which case I need to force him to go!). But this year I think we're going to be limited to $12 tickets, because that still puts us under $30/night after gas, and only Fri-Sun at least until after his first class.
ReplyDeleteExcellence in performance is a must for me, ESPECIALLY in the church. That's something our church is just transitioning into from an "A for effort" culture and it's the only reason I was confortable taking the new job. I've never understood the attitude that God would have less discerning taste than man? He created all the classical composers and had heard them play in person. I get that Mozart is a tough act to follow but hardly an excuse not to try.
And like you point out - it IS for man and God. It's to glorify God and draw man to God. Even outside church performance, everything we do should be sticky and excellent. "As unto God" doesn't mean "instead of" man because somehow an infinite, perfect yet merciful God has lower standards.
I believe we may have been invited last year? I think all of Unite was going together. But for whatever reason we couldn't make it. If it's the weekend of the 17th every year, that's a terrible weekend for us. Everyone does stiff that weekend because it's the last weekend before people go out of town.
PS: YES to season tickets if you ever have a nice big budget for that. Or just a show - I prefer basically anything to violins, but love a good cello, clarinet, French horn, or low brass.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'm really picky about pianists simply because technical proficiency and expression tend to become mutually exclusive at the mid-high levels. If you excel at both, you don't play for a city Symphony or local college. But you have to have the technical proficiency so there's an excellent performance that feels like it's being read from the page. It's not a terrible thing, and on the other side of things are the Piano Guys - very skilled and proficient playing moderate music with an extreme of emotion.
It's now 2:30am and my stomach has settled so I'm going to bed for my 3hr cycle before work. Sleep well friend.
Took me a moment to understand the psychoanalysis comment, especially in light of recent blogs/conversations... but then I remembered and then I was more confused.
ReplyDeleteIn your first blog you wrote the following: "I was learning classical piano at the time and singing choir music that I had no interest in. Everything we listened to on the radio was either pop music (thanks sis) or classical. I was worn out and had no love for music anymore." And while I heard that, I also found it hard to fathom you without music... until I heard your dad sing. That's not your standard church choir education. That's a whole different level of control. And the classical aspect of your training became apparent, along with a thousand personality differences between you and your dad.
But I am now confused, because the other day you said you didn't have musical training, specifically not at reading sheet music. But you were learning classical piano as a young teenager somewhat against your will? That doesn't make sense. Yo could learn accompaniment piano without sheet music - chords and keys, etc - but I can't think of a classical pianist who would teach without sheet music as part of the lesson?
Mm not quite. I said I had zero theory knowledge past note names (and rhythm basics... And some other basics). I took eight years of piano, and 4-5 of those were active study of music theory. I couldn't understand three quaters of it and most of it hasn't stuck after all this time. I can name notes, understand some chords/progression and I understand basic rhythm and how it relates. On paper it doesn't make much sense, however if I hear it I can memorize it and use sheet music to call it back into memory.
DeleteNow, for instance if you gave me a song cold and told me to play it, sing it, whatever, I might get something close. Unless I hear it first, then it'll make sense, but probably only for singing (I'm terrible with piano).
I also took a few years of Opera with my Dad at UOP, but that wasn't involving music theory.
Okay - so you do have a music background. And I don't recall the conversation being about theory? I just didn't know how to describe the stutter step notes to tell you where to listen. I guess I assumed they would have a simple title like the standard quarter, eighth, etc? Is that theory?
DeleteAnd I just cut a chunk of this reply to create a new post that I think will make you laugh.
Why the opera training? Your idea or your dad's? To what end?
Yes I do, and here is the conversation:
DeleteH:
"I just didn't know how to explain it
for all my love of music, my formal training consists of 1 year of group homeschool classes sometime before I turned 8, and 1 semester of intro to church music (planning a worship service, basic sheet music, and basic conducting) in college.
and about 12 pages of classical guitar worksheets and a dozen lessons from a guy at our church as a teenager.
my technical jargon is sorely lacking 😂"
J:
"You think that's bad
I have zero theory knowledge past note names."
H:
"can yo read music?"
J:
"Not really"
H:
"(being soooooooooo good and not responding with "well that explains a lot"... but I wanted to because it was awesome!!!!!"
J:
"If you gave me sheet music and told me to sing it I'd be just as lost as someone who has never seen sheet music"
H:
"Oh that's a bummer
I could at least figure it out"
J:
"Now once I hear how a piece goes
Then I can read it no prob bob
I play 98% of music on guitar by ear
Choir music I always need to hear something first. We get CD's to take home :))"
H:
"I think that's how Faith does theirs too. I feel like that's pretty standard - we always had parts CDs when I was in choir"
Correct - that would be theory. I don't know if I'm further confusing the issue, but it makes sense in my head, so I don't know what your problem is. :0)
Not sure now... we wanted a level of professional training that we couldn't get from other teachers. it was my dads idea and it really was the best decision for me. I wouldn't be 70% of the singer I am today if it weren't for those lessons.
I learned how to posture myself and sing difficult/technical phrases, diction and breath control. It wasn't so much the music as it was for everything else.
Yeah - I was just talking about jargon and you jumped to theory and I didn't catch it. I guess I don't really feel like not knowing musical theory is a terrible thing as long as you have the basics? ie: being able to figure out a song in the treble clef? I don't feel bad that I don't *understand* what they did or why, so long as I can see that it was done.
DeleteI'm glad you guys went. I don't always love classical training - it can really stiffen a voice - but in your case it did exactly what it needed to: taught you the basics so you don't jack your vocal chords. But you also haven't let yourself get so caught in the formality that you can't play with it. Good combo.
I think I consider jargon and theory to be the same : P
DeleteHonestly it's a double edge sword. You don't need to know a lot of theory to play music, especially if you're blessed with good ears. However, for the direction I want to go I need to know theory. I.E. composing/arranging and even producing. It's something I'm working towards, but it's difficult. Mainly because I'm stubborn and difficult.
Thanks! I'm glad too lol. And the dropping of formalities is more from experience, I used to be pretty stiff. It's something I continue to learn and experiment with as I look for my voice.
LOL - true about the blending, and I'll be remorseful the moment you tell me that you can't do the same when listening in. For what it's worth, I think a large part of it was how they had the choir mic'ed, as I didn't notice you distinctly in the ensemble. But since I've spent almost my whole life being taught to pick out voices and instruments, anyone in a church choir who is below tenor and on key is an easy find (you know this is true).
ReplyDeleteI think I won't be disappointed if I never hear Dong-Dong again. Some songs seem like a better idea than they actually are, especially at this level.
Are you guys normally in all black? I can't say that I really miss my black, even though I got to skip the official dresses and use my jumpsuit (much more convenient when trying to climb around places to run wires). Truth about never having an excuse to dress up though.... we should have a dress up dinner for Unite - maybe once a month or something. Or do Cheesecake dressed up! I used to do that with the girls in college about once a month. Full formal, walk downtown (Chicago), and play at the FAO Schwartz across the street while waiting for our table. Or Zack and I would go formal to listen to jazz at the Drake and study. Good times. He did love dressing up.
Yes to Easter, assuming I'm not in a performance at Bear Creek.
The choir miking... Did you think it was effective? (Personally I liked it, but I'm biased)
DeleteAnd Rend Collective with a choir and orchestra? Yeah, I'd be happy if that never happened again...
Typically yes, except no jackets, only vests. Women can wear black dresses or a black shirt/skirt as long as it's appropriate (odd that we need to clarify that each year).
I'd love to do a formal thing once in a while, it would be a good excuse to finally get something tailored... I have horribly baggy dress clothes that I'm slowly growing into...
Mics were good - well placed and your dad did a really good job of balancing. Usually the sopranos overwhelm no matter how you set it up, but I remember being really pleasantly surprised at the lower strength and mix. You also have a solid alto section and I get the impression your choir director won't stand for sopranos who can't control their volume.
DeleteAlso, in regards to the original comment about being able to hear you, given this conversation I should qualify that I could hear your whole section due to the microphones, I just know your voice and don't know the others, though I could also hear them with equal clarity. I don't feel it was improper or unbalanced or anything negative. Your voices weren't distinct from each other or the choir more than a hairsbreadth. It was just really nice to not have to dig through voices to find all the registers.
Do you guys usually mic the choir? If not, then especially large props for the blend.
Definitely misread that about the jackets and vests and thought you were saying vests only. Not sure what your church would consider inappropriate in a shirt-skirt combo that wouldn't also be an issue in a dress? Or do they toss the clarification across the board? It sounds really dumb, but honestly it's really hard to find women's clothing that's cute without being slutty. It's just hard to find. Especially a little black dress.
Remind me to bring up a formal thing as an idea tomorrow at the Unite Meeting.
I don't really mind the comment by the way, just thought it would be funny to mention. I'm glad to hear everything blended so well though. That is something I've never been sure of.
DeleteNo you read it correctly, white dress shirt and black vest with slacks. The waiter look. The shirts have a black vicar collar on them. Like a priest?
It's an across the board clarification for everyone. (My dad always cracks a joke about wearing a mini-skirt. I know he does it to embarrass me, lol!)
I can't really say I know the feeling, but I do know what you mean. I hear it often from other choir members.